Late Night Limbo

I forgot I even had this thing. No one really reads so no one should care. Except me. For the few posts I actually posted (I've written a bunch more that I never used) I felt a therapeutic rush come over me as I finalized my posts. A rant released is like, well, to keep it PG, arriving home to a warm PS2 and Chipotle after a long day. I miss it.

And so I am back. I have to come back. I need something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life. I think the lack of peeps reading will give me the opportunity to be a total ass on occasion. I kind of like that. Like Conan O' Brian understanding what will change before he takes over the Tonight Show, if I was Leon or Kajuana (just two blogs I read religiously) I would probably feel an overwhelming pressure to be funny. Which is usually around the time where I make my worst attempts at humor... kinda like Jay Leno, when you think about it. As long as I never come off as lame as Carson Daly.

So without further ado, I am coming back... I guess. If you have stumbled across this blog.. well.. I'm sorry. It reeks. Like the Magic Johnson show, this blog has no rhyme or reason. Sometimes serious... occasionally funny... many times,uh, none of the above. And honestly, I'm really funny in person. Really I am. Not so much in type. I apologize. Usually I think of things to write that are serious or seriously silly. I'm not so much for the middle ground. But for you, non-reader, occasionally I'll give it a try. Promise.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

The ball is tipped
and there you are
you're running for your life
you're a shooting star
And all the years
no one knows
just how hard you worked
but now it shows...

Tomorrow is a holiday and my boss doesn't know it.

Tomorrow is so big, I will admit freely, that even Black History Month didn't have me even close to this excited. I haven't had this much collective umoja with people I don't even know since.. well... Last March?

I have no meetings scheduled tomorrow.

No memos or papers

No obligations.

And I'm almost done clearing out my inbox.

Basically, I am not sure of how much work I will be able to get done.

You should know by now that tomorrow is the start of March Madness. The end in nigh for the young ballers and that means endless plates of wings, multiple fascinating games, and upsets of the highest order.

Yes, it's time for March Madness and... ohhhh, and I am losing my ever loving mind.

But time is short
and the road is long
in the blinking of an eye
ah that moment's gone
And when it's done
win or lose
you always did your best
cuz inside you knew...

A couple of weeks ago I received an invitation to a "reception" marking the beginning of March Madness. Food and flat screen tvs with feeds from all the different games being played at the SAME time. I'm like Michael Jackson at an Elementary School... I can hardly contain myself.

March Madness is easily the best playoffs we have currently. Because of the tourny's ability to take small teams or individual players from anonymity to heros it easily surpasses all other sports in their attempts to garner attention. Because the tourny brings together different regions, cities, colleges and throws them together it fans from all over root for teams they never knew it surpasses all other sports in reinvigorated interest. Because of the many dependable buzzer beaters and last second heroics it surpasses all sports in cultivating excitement. From Christian Laettners crunch time heroics to Chris Webber's epic timeout to Gonzaga's annual upsets the memories from this year's Tourny will last for years.

And it is with that ferver of excitement I write this entry.

Feel the beat of your heart
feel the wind in your face
it's more than a contest
it's more than a race...
And when it's done
win or lose
you always did your best
cuz inside you knew...

Tomorrow marks the beginning of that "one shining moment". And Sweet Jesus, I seriously cannot wait.

The Dufrane Theory

Today, in front of the press, Martha Stewart triumphantly announced that she was back in the saddle. She's back to being CEO and HBIC. With a smile that portrayed the relief you can only get from being released from prison she was graceful and masterful. As she skated over the underlying theme of how she had just spent time in the big house she was able to shift the focus on the resurrection of her name and consequently her brand.

For this, quite a few of my female friends have applauded her. She has triumphed.

"She never belonged in there anyway," they'd comment.

"If she had a penis this would have never happened," they exclaimed.

Uh, bitch please.

Two things. Lets not get this twisted... she BROKE the law and (how should I put this...) she aint exactly a part of the typical "wrongly accused crowd". Now don't get me wrong, strong women often get the short end of the stick for being too strong... or even more apt... a bitch. She is a bitch only if that means she is a shrewd businesswoman. She is a bitch only if that means she goes in for the kill and demands her underlings to be as focused on her ideals as she. She is a bitch only if that means she goes after what she wants with the same intensity that has made Bill Gates and Donald Trump multimillionaires.

And while Donald, Bill, and another fav entrepreneur of mine: Magic Johnson get a bad wrap in some circles (real estate, geek and the black social conscience, respectively) as being relentless business pit bulls while a vast majority of this nation has gone against Queen Martha. Well... only if a vast majority means males.

Females, especially alpha females, especially white alpha females have rallied to defend Stewart as a saint. It's like she wasn't guilty of crime or even worth prosecuting. It's almost as if she didn't lie to the prosecutors and attempt to cover up a very public and obvious mistake. It's as if some male would have lied and not had to pay the fine or got jail time or gotten any probation. Not only is this not true... but the problem is Martha Stewart is the better for all of this!

You see.. first off, many of these same women have all forgotten about how they bemoaned the tragedy of OJ Simpson where they talked very badly about how justice didn't work, blah blah blah... and now all of a sudden they wanted a proven criminal to get off because she doesn't have the balls to be a man. See, not only did she commit a crime but then she lied about it which pissed off the US side of US v. Stewart and quite frankly you need to have your shit straight if you are going to get away with a federal crime. Ultimately, she fought (and then lied) to the law and shockingly... the law won.

But in the end, the greatness of my Dufrane Theory comes into play ... Martha gets out serving several months and paying probably one of the lowest white collar fines I have ever heard of and takes back the reins of her company. She becomes the new "Apprentice" mogul and she'll have effectively "crawled through 200 miles of (filth) and come clean out the other side". She went to the big house and came out looking like a star. Now, many of the Anti-Marthites will be satisfied with her time served. Others will be unable to get others to hate her because... well, she's on top despite going to jail and having to endure the life of a criminal.

I'll never pretend to dislike Martha. She's brilliant, tenacious, and she's a leader. She unfairly gets treated as a evil woman the same way Hillary Clinton and other strong women do.. especially if they don't bow down to men who would prefer they be self the centered asshole leaders. Still, should you do the crime... even rich, you might have to do the time. Lets never lose focus on that. Fame can be a double edge sword. If we fail to prosecute and sometimes make examples out of famous people (even if they're our heros) with criminal intent we lose the right to peruse the common man in the same vigor. When that right is lost, the power of law & order is severely diminished and eventually our society will crumble. And THAT would be the real crime.

Babymomma Drama

I haven't been able to update lately (not that anyone really cares) but I just wanted to briefly touch upon THIS:

I hear Brenda's got a baby
But, Brenda's barely got a brain
A damn shame
Tha girl can hardly spell her name
(That's not our problem, that's up ta Brenda's family)
Well let me show ya how it affects tha whole community...

Believe it or not there is a new song out dedicated to our beautiful Babymommas.

Using a sample of the sample Jay-Z used for his song December 4th (I believe), this new ode to mommas struggling and raising a child on their own.. is a moving testament to the strength of the single mother.

No, really it's not.

It's awful. Beyond it's unoriginality in thought or artistic nature, if we compare and contrast This new "Babymomma song" to "Brenda's Got A Baby" we see that it is awfully LIGHT in reality and more of a light praise song. Which would be fine... if our community wasn't as devastated as other impoverished communities with rampant wedlock kiddies. The song is like a light ditty about a serious problem. It's actually socially irresponsible. It's ignorant. It's just a bad song. I too would like to praise people who take care of their kids. All of them. And for single mothers... you guys are very strong considering many of you are reminded about some mistake every day. But more than not the baby mom song is not a whimsical ditty because the judgment that got people to baby mommas status was poor and more often than not (especially for the demographic that listens to the radio) the public has to take the pain of this mistake too.

Akin to those people who give shout outs to people in prison lets not glorify or even cheapen the position that single mothers have. While you may not get the sense of this watching Maury try to find the father of countles kids, being a single mother... not a baby momma... is a serious choice. Like the difference between being a Dad and being a biological father, you're a parent now and your drama comes second to the life of that child. Lets be honest, life aint easy but some choices are more serious than others and should be dealt in a manner reflecting such.

Employee o' the Month

Every once and a while I like to lighten the mood with some of my "Leonesque" general observations.

Today, while it is BHM I would like to honor a hard working woman in a tough industry. Actually I am honoring all the women in this industry because a great deal of them work their ass off.

Literally.

Today, I bring you here to honor the prostitutes of DC. Not just any prostitutes but the real unglorified prostitutes who bust their hump (heh) working all year long. There are prissy ones that only work during the summer and can rightly do so. They probably bring in more bang for the bucks (or bucks for the... ah, nevermind). These aren't THOSE strippers.

Yes, it is you I see, Unglorified Stripper, as I drive down L Street. You're working the frigid corner even when the thermometer reads a frosty 25 degrees. Your dedication to putting food on the table and keeping your pimp happy is sadly remarkable. I don't know how you do it. Pimping isn't nearly the force it may have been in the 70s and yet still you make money for them... one john at a time.

Yes, those summertime pros are prettier and usually in better shape. They probably escort in their free time and sometimes try to be video hos. Yes, you are demeaning yourselves (some would say) and breaking the law. But one person’s view of pride and decency differs from another. Certainly, your time could be better spent stripping and doing your hooking from "private dance" rooms. But then without such dedication to quick money your life wouldn't be nearly as exciting.

And SURE, you probably would be better off working for a lowly hourly wage in Wal-Mart while earning actual benefits. But still, here you are, working late into the night as light snow flurries gracefully add a conflicting ornateness to your pimp's SUV. Come sweltering heat, snowfall or sometimes even heavy rain, you are there.

You are there for the poor, the tired, the huddled masses, even the lonely but most definitely the homely. Those that have no self-esteem depend on you. Those with a good health plan or at least a decent free clinic look for you. Those lusting for thrills to validate their boring and eventless existence long for you. And until the burning commences, I am sure you bring a certain instant satisfaction that for what it's worth, probably cannot be measured... possibly duplicated but not nearly as easy... and at such prices!

It is with constant amazement and certain amount of shame I present you... all of you, from Africa and Muffy to Peaches and Xtasee and even you, Zenith... the award for Employee of the Month. You work for little (although negotiable) and end with little (definitely) but OH what a ride.

**DISCLAIMER: I have never and will never endorse or use the services of The Hired Sexual Worker. I would say that some people romanticize such jobs focusing on the sexual power. These kind of people find the job liberating (like some strippers), but I have to acknowledge that usually this minority have issues with their sexual identities. At any rate, I want it to be said that I have learned all this from documentaries (Hookers at the Point) and from watching interactions (and uh, transactions) when I am stuck in traffic during the summer while the blatant and rampant prostitution blocks traffic on L Street for BLOCKS... NOT, I repeat, NOT from talking, fraternizing or using the services of said prostitutes.**

This Day in Black History

It must be Black History Month.

Today the DC Lottery has introduced their newest scratch off game honoring the negro league. It's a $5 dollar ticket and you can win up to $50,000 bucks.

This is too much.

It is amazing to me that Black History Month's main corporate sponsors are check cashing places, UPN, fast food, malt liquor, and now lotteries. While I applaud anyone who wants to appeal to black culture (because it helps other enterprises think about doing so) it is ridiculous that these barely veiled marketing attempts are the main corporate supporters of BHM.

Drinking, gambling, and the rip off cashing industries all appeal to society's underclass. While Black people are definitely a part of this underclass we are all but ignored when it comes to say... national elections we are taken for granted and forgotten. These industries prey upon the underclass hoping that their totally ridiculous products aren't exposed for the cheap substitutes for a real solution: WATER or even middle grade alcohol. Saving for prosperity instead of wasting it on chance. Getting a bank account which leads to other wealth building activities. (Savings accounts are like the gateway drug to investing.)

Other industries, such as fast food, appeal across the board but their horrible food is appreciated more by the underclass because the price seems right. Of course the food isn't healthy and it's always cheaper to make your own food. They find with wealth fast food becomes more of a second placating option for soccer moms and parents who want a quick fix to appeal their kids. In our minority neighborhoods, fast food is a lifestyle.

There are some good players in this. Toyota is among several companies who have taken interest in Black communities. Knowing that their products are needed by all they take notice that minorities want a decent car that is reliable. Whoever can show them this car first and with the best pitch is the winner. When you look through a Black Enterprise issue you can finally see some companies that "get it".

As a whole, I am appreciative of any company that would put money into really celebrating BHM by bringing to the forefront Black stars of the past that may have been overlooked by the shadow of MLK or Malcolm X. If the DC lottery had a MLK or Ali game I would be pissed. I guess, as long as some good comes out of it, Black people will have to embrace the efforts of even the cigarette companies as they try to tie their products closer to our people. Sad, but until our pockets of wealth reflect white society closer we still have to make our own opportunities and take the charity of those who invest sincerely in our heritage.

We've come a long way, baby.

Country Roads... Take Him Home.

Karl Malone is my favorite basketball player ever.

I know most people would be ashamed to admit this.. but I'm not. In fact for much of my sports playing life he was almost my IDOL. Well, I am ashamed of that. But who are you to judge?!

Seriously, as he retired on Sunday I feel compelled to say something about my favorite player in the NBA.

The year was 1990 and I finally really GOT basketball. I mean, I loved playing soccer at the time and my baseball career had already faltered as I was placed on waivers by my teeball team. Those bastards didn't even want me in right field. But basketball... I finally got the teamwork and saw the enjoyment in dribbling and shooting. Immediately I started looking for a star to emulate.

I quickly happened upon one Karl Malone. He was big, as I was. He had a fun off balance shot... kinda like I did. Lastly, he was underrated. (This last point would become the bane of my existence.) This guy was like me!

Except he wasn't. He was country, played with all white boys, and was underrated. I mean, everyone KNEW I was great!

So every chance I could I would watch and talk about the greatness that was Karl Malone. While my game got REAALLY good. (I mean really good. I would practice playing for hours on end.. every day. I got really good, really quick.) People quickly tired of my Malone talk. Charles Barkley was the best power forward in the league... why couldn't I figure that out? It was too late. I was a Malone fan. In Malone, I trusted. He never let me down.

He continued to get better... scoring usually only behind the exalted Michael Jordan. He was always in the league top ten in rebounding. He rarely missed games and always made his team better. He would eventually fail in the finals twice against Jordan but that was one more time than Barkley had and quite frankly... he faced the Bulls. They were just always a great team. What can you say?

In the meantime, I was being ridiculed by friends and family alike for defending Karl and his team because they were seen (like Boston) as a white boy team. One of those teams that the NBA likes to have to show that white boys have game too. And while to some degree Utah may have liked to have this kind of personnel, having a good steady guards and a great PF was just a great plan. They had their share of white boys (probably to appeal to their fans to some degree) but they have always had a black player that was their go to guy.

Karl started to collected MVPs and scored the second most points of any player and still he got no respect. People we more concerned with his playing habits such as physical play and losing against Jordan. It was hurtful for me because everyone lost against Jordan and he was never dirtier than any other power forward... most notably, Barkley since he is the easiest one to compare him to.

Look at the stats, look at the accomplishments, look at his record off the court... Malone is as good as Barkley on and while off the court he isn't as loquacious he certainly has a personality and for the most part stayed out of trouble.

Now, I was concerned when I found out about his illegitimate daughter. The fact that he had essentially hidden from this responsibility was a shock and very disappointing. Still, eventually he owned up and became a father. Not just a paying sperm donor like many men, embarrassed to admit that they are wrong. I had to respect this, for we all make mistakes, because he handled it with grace.

As you can imagine... living in LA and rooting for the Jazz wasn't without peril. People wanted to whoop my monkey ass many a time when the Lakers would lose and I would root for the Jazz. One can only imagine the joy as I felt when I realized that Karl was a free agent and the Lakers might want to get the first reliable PF since James "Big Game" Worthy. When my favorite team finally got my favorite player it was like God had granted a my wishes I made back in Jr. High. While, as ya'll know, my dream eventually sagged.. then exploded... I appreciated that he was willing to try to win with the Lakers. He was principled and proud to play for the Jazz, but he wasn't above leaving if it meant a chance at a ring.

In the end, Karl Malone will be overlooked, underestimated, and probably dismissed as people remember the championships of Jordan, the personality of Barkley, the dominance of Shaq, the dead aim (and, yes "Great White Hope-ness") of Bird. But for those who also celebrate those like David Robinson, James Worthy, McHale, and Clyde Drexler... they will not forget Malone. He was a workhorse who gave as much as he took and always delivered his best. And for that, to me he will always be The Mailman.

"Dude, NOT COOL!!"

You know what I LOVE? The best commercial on TV (without the lame Super Bowl pretentiousness) has to be those Geico's Caveman commercials. I just love the way it properly brings attention to the sensitivity issues and all that great stuff. Yeah, it's hilarious.

Uh...But I must say even this 30 second wonderfulness cannot save the relationship between you and I, TV. Yeah, I think it's that time. TV... I'm sorry. I 'm really sorry. There's no other way to say this...I want a divorce.

I know, baby. It's out of the blue... You give and give and give. But you don't realize... you're a succubus. You take without knowing. You steal hours. And more often then naught you give me so little. If it's substance over quantity.. baby, you are lacking. You would have seen my displeasure if you just would really listen to what I have to say instead of listening to your Nielson friends.

Now don't get me wrong TV, I love you for what you have brought to my life. Humor, through The Office and Arrested Development. Insight into the my nation and beyond, though The Discovery Channel and A&E's America Undercover. And nudity through Skinamax and the Super Bowl. Even suspense and excitement through The Wire and But you see, love.. well.. we all must grow up sometime.. and you rarely do.

"Get busy living.. or get busy dying." You told me that quote straight from the mouth of Morgan Freeman. See, you are so full of hidden insight. You're not as dumb as people think you are. For each insipid Desperate Housewife episode you bring us a meaningful and introspective episode of Law and Order. And for every shameless L&O knockoff you bring us something totally original like The Simpsons. For every totally lame and artificial Real World you bring us blushingly raw Single in the City. And the pop culture... oh, all the pop culture. Thank you for keeping me so hip and relevant...

I love you for that.

I understand that it is not your fault that you can be cheap and shallow. I'm sorry.. but you are. Maybe your many other lovers conditioned you to be this way. They wanted entertainment... not to think, not to feel, not to know. I can appreciate that and sometimes I can appreciate the sexy romp of Women on Trampolines like the rest. Alas, it is the 90% of the time where I see something that has been ruined by stagnant ideas (Real World) or ruined by lack of creativity (The Practice) that hurts me. I mean, I don't get mad at the supreme almost confounding faux heart that is put into your America's Top Model. But the worse... no let me talk... but the worse is that you take your best blossoming efforts and undermine them. You often don't let them bloom into beautiful programs that both entertain and challenge us to look and confront our own issues.

Not your fault, again... I know. But you see if we are to ever work on the same level you have to consistently provide me with glimpses of hope. I am often left underwhelmed with a quick hour of my time. Because of this, I need some time for myself. Trust me, it's me.. not you. You haven't changed... I have. Incidentally, for the better... but that's not important now. I'm just not good for you. When I am around you I just don't feel happy.. I'm simply content. I deserve happiness, TV.

And I have found this happiness... in my new love... Internet.

Don't cry.. as dependable as the sun sets, you know I'll be around. You know I won't miss a new season of Sopranos. And look.... in the end... we'll always have... "You're fired."

Just Starting... be patient...

So here I am going to expose more about my life.. stuff I see.. and how people here up on Capitol Hill are insane.

Funny, people don't realize that this place (Washington DC but especially Cap Hill - Or The Hill) is like working in Hollywood except we have of the moves that are made are as symbolic as they are unpractical.

Social security reform? T'aint happening.

Kill the deficit? Not anytime soon.

Raise salaries for Congressmembers? Probably next month.

So.. holy shit.. it's snowing like crazy... come with me as I take you around a Lil place I call The Hill.