Not A MJ Post!

Since everyone was talking Michael... I thought I would write up this little non-Michael post... and then not post it till this disclaimer was irrelevant. Ha. The joke's on me!

"The sins of the father visit upon the children."

This statement has never been more apparent to me.

Usually, I use this statement in my debates to shut up anti-Affirmative Action folk. Somehow this works even with people who think that racism doesn't exist or affect people.

Lately, I have been seeing that the vices (because I like that better than "sins") of certain people manifest themselves through the individual actions and when you get to a certain age.. these vices (e.g. laziness, addictive personalities, jealousy, bitterness...) plague their lives like a bad case o' herpes. You can't shake it... you just hope to contain it...

As I saw a mother instructing her lil son to pee on the building behind mine.. in the alley... this started to really affect me. What is she teaching that kid? Isn't there another way?

Interesting to me these days people seem to more and more believe that behavior is not learned but somehow hardwired in. It's not. Your zodiac sign.. that stuff is garbage. This may be hard to accept... but you just need to trust me. GARBAGE.

We learn things through our parents and other outside influences. This is so true that often our half ass attempts to be original are us rehashing efforts we have heard people that we respect do. And yes sometimes this won't come from your parents.. it'll come from your own experiences and the manner which you have these experiences... but inevitably you are put in a position to have these experiences by your guardians.. whoever that may be.

I have a friend whose cousins are fairly wild. The mother moans and wails about how they don’t do what they need to do. The older cousin is 13 and she JUST decided she didn't want a tattoo on her neck. Why? She doesn't know. I had to sit her down and let her know that unless she was going to be an entertainer... visible tats like she wanted will only hinder her career progress. Of course, this led to the basic talk about how people, including herself judge others on their looks. It aint fair.. but that's life. She didn't know any better and her love for tats was started by her mother's fav tat on her ankle. She always rebels against her mother... and yet here she was trying to be just like her.

It's time parents owned up to a new level of responsibility. Once you have kids... your life isn't OVER.. but your independence is. Your kids are more important. It doesn't matter if you are 14 or 34. It doesn't matter if HE doesn't want to be involved... or if she decides to "check out". Some one has to step up for the kid. The more you sacrifice the more you will be given. And while the results will not be immediate... they will come and they are worth it. You simply must have faith in yourself and your child. Sadly, this does mean it cannot be all about you anymore. Your needs are secondary and that does mean not bringing your badass baby to the 9:30 showing of Mr. & Mrs. Smith!! Jerks.

It's 2005 and we've come so far... but we must go further. Sometimes we don't plan to be parents and parenthood is thrust onto us by a moment of bad judgment or the roll of the dice just takes an unexpected hop. It is in this moment where we are given the power to change the world. Even in the hardest ghetto and the darkest of times, we can give our child our soul or do like the DMV and send the down the line. But they need us...

And as we grow older we must accept that now the challenges are changing. The threats to the children are online and in person. There are no short cuts to parenting. As the times change parental have to adapt too. We (and I have included myself and other childless people because we have to step up too sometimes) have to understand the times but also realize that the old stand-bys of love and attention will go a lot further than a Net Nanny and the V-Chip.

I am slightly concerned because with the Babymommas and the Grandmothers raising their grandkids the kids may not get the necessary guidance from their parents. They need the encouragement, the "NO"s when they ask for something dangerous, the love when they need a shelter from the world, and the sense that their parents would do anything for them.

It's time to do better, ya'll... and if you know you can't... please, please, please use protection.