Monday, October 31, 2005

Appropriately Inappropriate

We have all had inappropriate moments.

Someone says a unfair generalization despite being ignorant of others around. The "joke" or comment is made and despite some laughter a fog of unease remains. Perhaps the "other" person heard. Perhaps someone is sensitive to such generalizations despite the "other" person's involvement...

But what makes a moment inappropriate? Is it the message or the listener?

For instance, is it inappropriate to watch Chappelle's show around a baby? They don't know what's going on TV and most of the ideas contained within will never register in their brain... but still, should such a infant be exposed to a show that lampoons negative images at all until they can totally discern humor and satire from objective opinion?

Can I make a joke about Rosa Parks? 9/11? The War on Terror? Muhammad Ali?

Can I even talk about negative aspects of painful experiences while they still hurt people who are close?

When does the healing process take precedence over social interaction?

Is humor's curing principles enough to cut past the pain (ie - Three Kings or Hogan's Heroes) or does a serious reverence for the hurting make more sense (Jarhead or Black Hawk Down)?

Can it be both? None?

Recently, I was forced to watch a movie with a friend. A friend I once dated but never perused further. The movie was a good one and hit the topics of people choosing how and who they love. The motives behind were exposed and how it effects people were displayed. It's a really fresh and honestly good movie. (No, I'm not gonna tell which one.)

Still, I felt like the movie provided a situation that was almost... innapropriate. It was inappropriate for her and I to share that experience. Because it dealt with a situation where I couldn't be involved with her because of my own issues despite some physical interaction and then I ended up putting her in the friend zone. Despite one brief talk about it, there has always been this unresolved feeling left to our relationship. Despite this, we are remarkably good friends and we hang all the time without a need to "talk".

Still, at the end of the movie because of the subject matter, I was uncomfortable. It had cut right to the bone. It had exposed me for not only the person I am (good and bad) but probably how I had been slightly more inconsiderate of her feelings than I should have. She has been sensitive to our situation and has tried to discuss it a couple times. She wants a resolution but such a thing to most people is simply the conclusion that makes us feel best. If my suspicions are correct... her resolve most likely, will never come. During the movie I waited for signs of her getting mad or uncomfortable, except for the fact that she never did... she didn't have a clue.

As we talked about the merits of the movie, I wondered if she would evernotice the blatant truth within it. If she would connect the irony of us watching the movie together. I wondered if this would lead to a bigger discussion about how we are. Maybe it would lead to us being even better friends... or maybe some of the inconsistencies in the movie would lead us to making sweeping negative conclusions about each other.

All this lead me to wonder: Is it me making this situation bad? Is it inappropriate to take certain friends to an experiences like this? Were we not ready for this movie or was this movie just what we needed?

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Call to Boycott Leon "Yes, I Said it!" Hustleman.

This is not about me.

This is not about Leon.

This is about basic rules black men and black women must live by.

Last week Leon "Hustleman" made this statement:

"Like the long lost bastard child of Forrest Whitaker and Alfre Woodard -- that fool is ORANGATANG ugly."



This statement is unacceptable.

This statement can only be interpreted one way -- and that is that Woodard and Whitaker are, because of their African features and skin color, ape-looking.

Leon is an extremely light-skinned Negro with white features.

Now if it doesn't bother you that he thinks you're ape-looking, think of your children, parents and other relatives.

Leon thinks they're ugly because they are darker than he and have African features. Are you comfortable with that?

Are you comfortable with a person who looks like Leon promoting the idea that people who look like your relatives (or Woodard and Whitaker) look like ORANGUTANS?

That's what the man said. Here's the link. Please verify this:

Here

Brother and sisters the time for DENIAL is over.

Leon has had more than 10 days to come forth and explain -- or apologize -- but he has not come forth.

Again, it is not about me, you, or Leon.

Somewhere a black child who has read Leon's monkey post sits waiting for either Leon or you to take action.

Is it true? Does she actually look like an Orangutan?

Boycott Leon if the answer is "No."

Let him know that you will not help him promote the racist notion that black people look like Orangutans.

Repudiate Leon. Repudiate his lie. Take a stand and do it now.

Boycott Leon.

feels good b n FREE said...

is this guy kidding....lol?
well good thing that crap is ova with.

btw, i LOVE this post!!!
i wish i knew what the movie was..lol (it's a woman thing..i was distracted by that omitted detail)
n e way, i think that the "inappropriate" moments in life that you have described can be taken advantage of.
if in those awkward moments...someone had the heart to speak up..to capture the moment and turn it into an opportunity...it would make a difference.
Instead of just feeling weird... to overcome the immediate sensation, face it...and explore where it could go and what it all means.
i'm gonna try that.