"Dude, NOT COOL!!"

You know what I LOVE? The best commercial on TV (without the lame Super Bowl pretentiousness) has to be those Geico's Caveman commercials. I just love the way it properly brings attention to the sensitivity issues and all that great stuff. Yeah, it's hilarious.

Uh...But I must say even this 30 second wonderfulness cannot save the relationship between you and I, TV. Yeah, I think it's that time. TV... I'm sorry. I 'm really sorry. There's no other way to say this...I want a divorce.

I know, baby. It's out of the blue... You give and give and give. But you don't realize... you're a succubus. You take without knowing. You steal hours. And more often then naught you give me so little. If it's substance over quantity.. baby, you are lacking. You would have seen my displeasure if you just would really listen to what I have to say instead of listening to your Nielson friends.

Now don't get me wrong TV, I love you for what you have brought to my life. Humor, through The Office and Arrested Development. Insight into the my nation and beyond, though The Discovery Channel and A&E's America Undercover. And nudity through Skinamax and the Super Bowl. Even suspense and excitement through The Wire and But you see, love.. well.. we all must grow up sometime.. and you rarely do.

"Get busy living.. or get busy dying." You told me that quote straight from the mouth of Morgan Freeman. See, you are so full of hidden insight. You're not as dumb as people think you are. For each insipid Desperate Housewife episode you bring us a meaningful and introspective episode of Law and Order. And for every shameless L&O knockoff you bring us something totally original like The Simpsons. For every totally lame and artificial Real World you bring us blushingly raw Single in the City. And the pop culture... oh, all the pop culture. Thank you for keeping me so hip and relevant...

I love you for that.

I understand that it is not your fault that you can be cheap and shallow. I'm sorry.. but you are. Maybe your many other lovers conditioned you to be this way. They wanted entertainment... not to think, not to feel, not to know. I can appreciate that and sometimes I can appreciate the sexy romp of Women on Trampolines like the rest. Alas, it is the 90% of the time where I see something that has been ruined by stagnant ideas (Real World) or ruined by lack of creativity (The Practice) that hurts me. I mean, I don't get mad at the supreme almost confounding faux heart that is put into your America's Top Model. But the worse... no let me talk... but the worse is that you take your best blossoming efforts and undermine them. You often don't let them bloom into beautiful programs that both entertain and challenge us to look and confront our own issues.

Not your fault, again... I know. But you see if we are to ever work on the same level you have to consistently provide me with glimpses of hope. I am often left underwhelmed with a quick hour of my time. Because of this, I need some time for myself. Trust me, it's me.. not you. You haven't changed... I have. Incidentally, for the better... but that's not important now. I'm just not good for you. When I am around you I just don't feel happy.. I'm simply content. I deserve happiness, TV.

And I have found this happiness... in my new love... Internet.

Don't cry.. as dependable as the sun sets, you know I'll be around. You know I won't miss a new season of Sopranos. And look.... in the end... we'll always have... "You're fired."