Fools Gold

"He's been a CFO for some very prestigious companies you've never heard of," she started again.

At an early age he was destined for success and by the time they met his success had allowed him the kind of excess that is dreamed up by every rapper and middle class dreamer known. Their meeting was of chance yet as they talked they shared many similar ideals that belied the giant chasm in their ages. As the minutes merged into hours that first night, they talked politics and world traveling and made a connection that most would find unseemly.

"He just... buys whatever. I was afraid to mention things because he would just go out and buy them!"

As they hung out... he would talk about vacations abroad. Paris, Milan, Nairobi... all places they could go as things got too hot during the summer. Then he flew her home to pack for a trip to Vail, Colorado. She came back and they hopped in his newly purchased X5 (he got it for the trip) and they drove down to Vail. Once there, he would buy her almost anything she looked at (granted her non-extravagant tastes make such offers fairly reasonable).

They went to parties and chatted it with CEOs, CFOs, COOs and dignitaries from all over. They dined at the finest restaurants. They skied and played tennis in places she would never be allowed in otherwise. Still, as she found herself loving the lifestyle she began to understand that the man himself was not for him.

Last Sunday they broke up. And as I complained to her... "You liked him, right?" She would explain it wasn't enough. He was always around... and her independence was compromised. He was insecure because she is a pretty girl and much younger. Pessimism says a person is only as faithful as their options and if he bought that he was worried sick about her. It was too much. I couldn't believe it because she had seemed so happy. Apparently for the scrupulous, even with inflation, money still can't buy your soul.

"It'd been great if I was content to go to school and then do nothing much with my degree.. sit around... travel... hang out with him... as long as I gave him a couple of kids." And that was it, right? She wasn't ready to settle down. She still had the wild spirit inside.

I understand. I really did. I long to find peace of mind.. but until I do my mind and eye roams. But his life sounded like a dream. I really could live my life like that, I confessed. I mean, I can have kids till I am old, right? He is living my dream. I couldn't believe I was envious of a guy I had never met. Rich. Smart. Powerful friends. Best of everything. Through hard work he had achieved a life of infinite choice and excess. He IS the MAN. And while I am sure he knew he was buying her time... I actually began to feel bad for him because I know he liked her a lot.

"He is living my perfect life. I wish I could have met him."

Then she dropped the bomb. With a stone face she carefully explained the accident.

During much younger times he had gone mountain biking. Being the kind of competitor that pushes himself to the extreme, one day he and his friends decided to try to bike down a hill that was damn near a straight drop. It was inevitable. Riding (more like falling) he eventually took a tumble onto a bed of rocks and rolled... He sat there laying... got up... and fell again... only to get up again and finish biking. Through this trauma, his spinal cord was sent in an inescapable downwards spiral towards failure. One day he will wake up and be paralyzed. The worst situation: From the neck down. The best: maybe just half of his body. With all he had done.. mountain climbing in Tibet, skiing in France, and more... how could he live like that?

This was starting to sound eerily familiar.

Apparently, in case he was paralyzed he set up an escape plan. An insurance plan. He wanted to be remembered like he was in his glory.. and he wanted to ensure HE never forget that life either. He has like 10-15 more years. Then the current plan is... he's calling it quits. Probably without kids. Never been really married (there was that one quick divorce).

His only regret? The man with everything wishes he could have the one thing money still can't buy - family and time.

I can't lie, my eyes watered a bit. And as much as I hate to admit it.. it really wasn't just because I was sad for him.. MY plan too was always to be a successful business/ politico and perhaps later try to be a family guy later. Guys like him were my hero. They resisted societal pressures and fought to be a person of vast accomplishments and to be properly compensated for that. Everything else could come together on its own time.

I've had sneaking suspicions that I could have it all wrong. You know, that perhaps a life of labor would leave impressive accomplishments but little else. But there is no way to know for sure. Most people regret their lack of accomplishment and seek refuge in their families. Who knew it could be the other way around?!

I guess now my plan is to find my happiness and through love of people and work. How do I do it? HellifIknow! But I have been doing better in meeting people and forming relationships. I have spent so much time chasing this life that it's jarring that everything I believe might be wrong. I just never realized that my whole way of thinking about the direction in my life might be the reason why I haven't pushed for stronger relationships. Now that dream I've chased the last 10 years of my life... a fools gold.

I feel really sad when I think about it. I guess I should just be glad I am wising up now.